The Update I Didn’t Want to Write (But Needed To)
An update from the edge of burnout
Hey, it’s me again. I wanted to give you a real update. No fluff, no performance, just the reality of where things are.
If you’re new here—welcome! This newsletter is called Broke But Not Broken because I wanted to talk openly about money, work, and what it actually looks like to try and build a business while being a real, flawed, financially-depleted human being.
If you’re not new here, then you already know: I don’t do curated. I do...this. Honesty. A little bit of gallows humor. And a deeply persistent hope that things will turn around.
So this is your friendly dispatch from the trenches. This is me being honest about what it's like to keep going, even when everything feels uncertain and the pressure never really lets up. Let’s get into it.
Current Work Situation: Some Hope, Some Chaos
Let's start with the money, or rather, the trickle of income currently keeping the lights on.
I've landed a new client project (Yay!), though with a 12-month payment plan (Less yay). It's solid work I'm grateful for, but feels like finding a granola bar in your glove compartment when you haven't eaten all day: technically helpful, nowhere near filling.
Meanwhile, I've joined a podcast production company as an account manager. The role has promise, with commission not just for bringing in clients but managing them too.
Then there's the maybe-client who expressed interest in continuing our work together before vanishing into the "pending contract" abyss. I refresh my inbox like it owes me rent while balancing my part-time job (thank god for that small stability) and sending out job applications with equal parts hope and dread.
Last week brought two W-2 full-time job interviews and one subcontractor job fair, the latter not offering much promise.
The Money Vibe: Hanging On by a Thread
As for expenses? Picture creditors forming a conga line around my house.
A letter arrived from a past landlord's lawyer demanding a repayment plan for back rent and lease-break fees. Two credit cards have officially been closed, another informed me they're sending my debt to collections. Every dollar I don't have screams for attention.
This is where I'd love to share my brilliant financial recovery plan, but the truth is simpler: I'm exhausted. Calculating what I owe feels like staring directly into the sun (although I did the hard thing and documented it all).
The Emotional Fallout: Burnout, Dread, and a Brain That Won’t Shut Up
So... how am I feeling?
Honestly? Bad.
I'm not just flirting with burnout—we're in a full-on situationship. My body remains permanently braced for impact, like a car crash in slow motion. This isn't 'slept-bad-last-night' tired—it's soul tired. As an Enneagram 5, stress has transformed me into a distracted gremlin with a library card but no ability to read beyond a paragraph.
I told my partner yesterday that, right now, a full-time job with a regular paycheck sounds like a goddamn dream. And not because I’m giving up—because I’m trying to survive.
Hard Truth: I Need a Full-Time Job Right Now
I’ve accepted the reality: a steady paycheck would change everything.
Not just for bills and rent and groceries (though yes, please), but because the mental relief it would bring is immeasurable.
“Predictable” income would mean I could sleep. I could think. I could pay off the debt that’s currently pressing on my chest constantly.
This doesn’t mean I’m giving up on my business. I’ve worked too hard and I believe in what I offer. But growth is officially on pause. The pressure to scale, pitch, or launch anything right now? Off the table.
Here’s what I am doing:
Continuing with my current clients.
Sticking with the podcast account manager role—but limiting the number of new clients I take on.
Holding on to the easy, low-stress retainer gig I have (shout out to friends who pay you and don’t make it weird).
Restructuring my offers for simplicity and to match my capacity.
Maintaining sustainable marketing efforts for when I am ready to take on more.
Everything else? On hold until I have more energy and fewer panic attacks.
The Bigger Picture: It’s Not Just Me, It’s the Economy
In case you were wondering: yes, the economy is still a flaming dumpster.
Everyone’s nervous. Everyone’s pulling back.
People aren’t investing because they don’t know what next week will look like, let alone next quarter. And that makes sense. But it also means the revenue streams we relied on? Drying up.
The job market is absurd. Applications vanish into the void, and when interviews do materialize, they're for roles paying less than what it costs to drive there. My partner's experience confirms it's not just me—after losing his job last August, he spent months finding only offers at a third of his previous salary. It's not personal failure; it's systematic dysfunction.
What’s Next: Not Giving Up, Just Recalibrating
To be clear: I'm not giving up or broken—I'm recalibrating. This isn't about abandoning my business but digging in differently. I'm choosing survival first, which means adjusting expectations while preserving the core of what matters.
I’m applying for full-time roles. I’m taking interviews. I’m narrowing my client work to the relationships that are solid and low-drama. I’m saying no to anything that feels like it’ll drain me more than it’ll help me.
This isn’t me leaning in. This is me digging in. Being resourceful. Choosing the least-worst option in a landscape that doesn’t offer many great ones. It's not pretty, but it’s honest.
Small Wins
But even in this mess—this unpaid, uncertain, burnout-riddled season—there are flickers of light. Tiny moments that don’t fix everything, but remind me I’m still here, still trying, still building something real. These aren’t the headline wins. They’re the kind you have to squint to notice—but they matter. They’re the things I’m holding onto right now.
A past client shared that she raves about me to her collaborators.
My small retainer is partially commission based, and they are killing it. So yay them and yay me.
This streamlining and simplifying is something I can take with me and implement when I go back to being a full-time solopreneur.
The simplifying is helping me get really clear on what I want to put out into the world - from website to social media, podcast to workshops.
My partner continues to support me in countless ways. He’s amazing.
Final Thoughts: I'm Not Broken—Just Tired
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I’m not sharing this for pity points or motivational claps. I’m sharing it because I know I’m not the only one feeling like this—scraping by emotionally and financially, trying to make smart decisions while carrying the weight of way too much uncertainty.
I don’t have a neat bow to wrap this in. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m hopeful in that weird, stubborn way where I just keep going because... what else am I supposed to do?